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We've Got Issues

by Ava Maria Safai

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    All ten songs, with pretty packaging.

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1.
once, i put you down to sleep, then i waited for a week for your eyes to open. it was a long, long time ago when the sun set down the road and i looked for it all over. // and now, i need a day alone, then a year to stay at home. i'll stare at the stars til i go blind. and i'm trying to let you know nothing's the same anymore. i'd like you back sometime. // let's meet in the city, the city of angels -- when the clouds are clear and the rain can't weigh you down. right here in the city, the city of angels. i'll wait to see you smile. don't forget me star above. i know that it's pretty in the city of angels; but all i wanted was to hear your goodbye. // i never turn the music on. i can't believe you're gone. and i’m sick of songs like this. you know, i … i can't get why i miss you. it's been too long to keep on dancing under waterfalls. // and i keep crying my own oceans. i'm just going through the motions. i've stared at the stars ’til i've gone blind. and no matter what i’m doing, the only thing that gets me through it is knowing you're still mine. // let's meet in the city, the city of angels -- when the clouds are clear and the rain can't weigh you down. right here in the city, the city of angels. i'll wait to see you smile. don't forget me star above. i know that it's pretty in the city of angels; but all i wanted was to hear your goodbye. // all i wanted was your goodbye.
2.
Alive & Well 03:44
look out your window; there's a city's on fire. if you could just know, every moment you're at home, the ashes keep on getting higher. but i'll let you go. take your time and i'll remind you you're lucky to be breathing while the bodies sleeping on roads will never stop their dreaming. // i'll believe in you if you'll believe in me. together we can make the change, as small as it may seem. together we can build a home where everyone can feel sad and mad and happy. and one day we will be … // alive and well, with smiles on all our faces. out of the shells that kept us in our places. we've got a story to tell but when we speak our heartbeat races. someday we'll be alive and well, you and i. // turn off the tv set. get out of the room and start doing something ’bout all these people you've never met. it seems so strange to humans that there's more of us outside these walls. fall into your debt; always paying your life back for the lessons you've avoided just so you'd get your happy, sappy endings, but never really new beginnings for some else. // i'll believe in you. will you believe in me? can we make a difference? it’s a possibility – far too big to build a home where everyone can feel sad and mad and happy because we’ll never be … // alive and well, with smiles on all our faces. out of the shells that kept us in our places. we've got a story to tell but when we speak our heartbeat races. someday we'll be alive and well, you and i. // children crying – why is no one listening? i said there's children dying, someone please start trying! why is no one listening? aren't we supposed to do something? // alive and well, with smiles on all our faces. until we’re out of the shells that kept us in our places. we've got a story to tell but when we speak our heartbeat races. someday we'll be alive and well, you and i.
3.
i can't imagine living in a world without you. i can't dream of a place that goes on without you. i can't move with your rope around my heartstrings. and i can’t think if I can't hear the sound of my heartbeat. // i keep on, keep on holding on. but my lungs are finding it hard to breathe and my body feels like it’s half asleep. // don't leave me falling to pieces. no, i'll be craving you always. can't you see? i'm breaking apart inside. i can't grieve. but i miss you daily. i can't speak, the words don't come out of my mouth. i need you around. you know me and i know you. you used to love me and i'm still addicted to you. // don't roam too far, i might lose you around the backstreets. i want your smoke in me, light the match, i need to feel the heat. i don't want to sleep alone anymore; but i can't help but run on back to you when the days get hard. // i keep on, keep on holding on, no matter how many times i shut the door. i keep on, keep on going on. but my lungs are finding it hard to breathe and my body feels like its half asleep. // don't leave me falling to pieces. no, i'll be craving you always. can't you see? i'm breaking apart inside. i can't grieve. but i miss you daily. i can't speak, the words don't come out of my mouth. i need you around. you know me and i know you. you used to love me and i'm still addicted to you. // (i’m addicted to, that i’m addicted to, just one more hit, i’ve hit tried to quit. oh no) // don't leave me falling to pieces. i'll be craving you always. can't you see? i'm breaking apart inside. i can't grieve. but i miss you daily. i can't speak, the words don't come out of my mouth. i need you around. you know me and i know you. i hate you, but i'm still addicted to you.
4.
Supergirl 04:05
i'm looking up ahead at a sea. everyone's smiling at you and me. hardly hearing the sound of applause. i felt so lost, so lost. // give me notes please. more and more, yes i can sleep, scream, and cry. great, another line to write. it makes me happy. i'm so sorry, forgive me. i can't help but just do things, even though i know it's never right. // supergirl. here to save the world. thought doing everything i could meant i would burn away the pain. no, it's not okay. here's what i learned. i've learned i have to let go. i'm never perfect, that's fine; it really doesn't describe all the things that i [know now] what it means. i hope it gives me wings so i can fly. and ’til then i know that i have tried. // barely breathing on the floor of the stage. take a bow as the tears stream down your [face] the crowd standing on their feet -- but i'll be here sitting on my knees. // it's all over, brush it off of your shoulder. all our memories get colder; we’re getting no younger, just older. but i'm so happy, so happy i knew you. so glad we came from the heart. this is art, see? here's a place where we can all be … // supergirl. here to save the world. thought doing everything i could meant i would burn away the pain. no, it's not okay. here's what i learned. i've learned i have to let go. i'm never perfect, that's fine; it really doesn't describe all the things that i [know now] what it means. i hope this gives me wings so i can fly. and ’til then i know that i have tried. // look at starred sky; light and darkness collide, but the clouds will never defy all the hope we left right here tonight.
5.
black and bruised. you thought that i would lose judging by the navy hues drawn beneath my eyes. strokes of hands turned into strangling grasps, reaching for something we never had. some shelter from the bad. // i could have never saw it coming. i could never predict the clouds. i would have never heard the storm from afar. // when you hurt me, i never felt the pain. i kept singing through black and blues and in the midst of all the rain. and when you laughed, well darling, so did i. and though you tried to break my wings, you knew that i would always fly. // covers of the news can't tell the stories of me and you. only thing that ever got me through was hiding the pain that grew within me. and even to this day, i wish the tears would go away. wish you had made the choice to stay. i blame myself for all these changes. // you know, i never saw it coming. i could never predict the clouds. who would have ever heard the storm from afar? // when you hurt me, i never felt the pain. i kept singing through black and blues and in the midst of all the rain. and when you laughed, well darling, so did i. and though you tried to break my wings, you knew that i would always fly.
6.
Civil War 03:55
there's a war outside our doorsteps. there's a blood red sky lining the stars. there's the sound of guns near the pavement -- but there's a face of hope in my arms. // so don't forget me when all the lights are gone. please remember all the times when we went wrong. tell the people stories 'bout every word in this song. tell them not to worry, stay tall and stay strong. // shots fire and baby, our worlds are crashing down. they're higher lately -- the walls all over the ground. it's fire, ashes, screams and one more sound. the reasons why that fear is so profound. the reasons why that tears are all around. // there's a body there on sidewalk. there's a girl in me who just wants to talk. there's a ghost of a man by the window -- that's the core of death only we know. // so don't forget me when all the lights are gone. please remember all the times when we went wrong. tell the people stories 'bout every word in this song. tell them not to worry, stay tall and stay strong. // shots fire and baby, our worlds are crashing down. they're higher lately -- the walls all over the ground. it's fire, ashes, screams and one more sound. the reasons why that fear is so profound. the reasons why that tears are all around.
7.
your whispers break into my mind. your silhouette has got me high. your words like poison in my brain. the thought of you drives me insane. // you had me holding on to moments of times where i felt noticed, but the truth is i was really dreaming of the figment of a girl who fought her sadness, who had never been used. // show me what you've made of me. tear my body piece by piece. i hear you when i try to sleep; your voice a broken melody. // what once i lost i've tried to find. but our golden days, i can't rewind. my tears paint rivers on the floor each time you walk outside my door. // you had me holding on to moments of times where i felt noticed, but the truth is i was really dreaming of the figment of a girl who fought her sadness, who had never been used. // show me what you've made of me. tear my body piece by piece. i hear you when i try to sleep; your voice a broken melody. // oh // show me what you've made of me. tear my body piece by piece. i hear you when i try to sleep; your voice a broken melody. // show me what you've made of me. tear my body piece by piece. i hear you when i try to sleep; your voice a broken melody.
8.
Finding Hope 05:25
we've lost, we've all lost our way before. we've gone, we've gone too far away from hope. we're stuck, stuck in the middle of the world, searching and searching for everything we never learned about hope. // i'm caught in the middle undoing the riddle that i can't unfold, oh. untangling the movements, but it seems so useless when i'm wondering where we went wrong. // finding hope; we can all cope when trying to unscramble and unravel what it means to be okay. finding hope; it's a long road that we've all got to travel, but we can handle whatever comes our way. whatever comes our way. // we'll find, we'll find the right road to take someday. i believe and i'll always believe in everything i say. together we're strong, so much stronger than we could have known. better together than when we were standing all alone. // i'm caught in the middle undoing the riddle that i can't unfold, oh. untangling the movements, but it seems so useless when i'm wondering where we went wrong. // finding hope; we can all cope when trying to unscramble and unravel what it means to be okay. finding hope; it's a long road that we've all got to travel, but we can handle whatever comes our way. whatever comes our way. // here we stand together, stand together, standing tall (like a work of art). when we're all together, all together, we will never feel too small. i'll hold your hand and never, never let you go before the fall. we'll be here forever, here forever, with each other through it all. through it all. through it all. // finding hope; we can all cope when trying to unscramble and unravel what it means to be okay. finding hope; it's a long road that we've all got to travel, but we can handle whatever comes our way. whatever comes our way. // finding hope; it’s a long road that we've all got to travel, but we can handle whatever comes our way. whatever comes our way. whatever comes our way. we’ve got each other for the day.
9.
Skin & Bones 04:03
you've reduced me to nothing more than skin and bones. left me gasping for air when i was six feet under your stones. and even when you walked away, i still saw the ghost of you, but i no longer feel the pain. // somewhere close, i know a place where i'll never get hurt. and i've built it to the sky from the depths of the dirt. it didn't take me that much time to figure out my worth. and i know that right now it's not what you deserve. // and i can breathe again. let me spin around in circles. it's so good to touch the sky when the stars are lit up by a purple backdrop. i was all that you made me until now. i feel i've greatly changed. and through it all, i've gained the tougher skin and bones. // you never gave me chances to try and explore the world. and right now you look like you don't believe a thing you heard. so now you walk away and my eyes are blurred, but not by tears; no, i'm just entangled with the wind. // somewhere close, i know a place where i'll never get hurt. and i've built it to the sky from the depths of the dirt. it didn't take me that much time to figure out my worth. and i know that right now it's not what you deserve. // and i can breathe again. let me spin around in circles. it's so good to touch the sky when the stars are lit up by a purple backdrop. i was all that you made me until now. i feel i've greatly changed. and through it all, i've gained the tougher skin and bones. // you've reduced me to nothing more than skin and bones. left me gasping for air when i was six feet under your stones. and even when you walked away, i still saw the ghost of you. but i no longer feel the pain. no i, no longer feel the pain.
10.
lying here on the broken ground, holding a box of secrets i found; stammered words of some friends of mine, well-designed over short lengths of time. and to those i know i am bound, but sometimes i can hear the sound of two or three trying to come out; all of the ones that i can't live without. // they're all for him, for him, for me. they're all the ones unlocked with a key. they're all for us, but there's a few that start with i love you. // and now that he's gone, all my thoughts have went wrong. but i promised him one day, when i find a way to replace all the songs and all the long old stories i wrote about us on saturday mornings, i'll travel the road where we used to go and i'll tell him everything that he already knows. // they see what's on the outside, never looking past anyone's eyes -- but they don't know about the time we spend making up rhymes for some things that don't matter inside. it's hard to speak to someone we love, when death's hands are too close to touch. and i know what you think about every day when you say that it won't be okay. // so this song's for you, for you, for me. all of these words were unlocked with a key. they're all for us, but there's a few that start with i love you. // and now that he's gone, all my thoughts have went wrong. but i promised him one day, when i find a way to replace all the songs and all the long old stories i wrote about us on saturday mornings, i'll travel the road where we used to go and i'll tell him everything that he already knows. // and now that he's gone, all my thoughts have went wrong. but i promised him one day, when i find a way to replace all the songs and all the long old stories i wrote about us on saturday mornings, i'll travel the road where we’d always go and i'll tell him everything that he used to know. // so when you're feeling down, don’t forget that i’m around. and when things don't seem okay, remember we all have bad days. don't give up when things get tough. you're not alone and i promise you that i will travel down a road where we'll start to go, and we'll tell each other things that one day we'll both know.

about

this album is my diary from ages 12 to 19. there is a song in here for everyone, or at least that's what i'd hope. "we've got issues" is comprised of ten tracks, each based on a different issue or experience close to my heart. i hope this music resonates with you as much as it has with me over the last few years. thank you for listening.

credits

released July 28, 2018

there are so many people to thank for the creation of this album. // thank you to my parents homeyra and fariborz for being my biggest supporters and getting me started in music. i wouldn’t be here without you. mom (aka my manger), you’re a marketing god. dad, you taught me everything there is to know about the piano. love you guys. // thank you to my dogs bailey and mamosh for being my emotional support, and hanging out with me by my piano while i wrote this album. // thank you to justin brown for producing, sound engineering, mixing and even playing on this album. you saw my vision and made it happen, and your personal touches on the album made it truly unique. thank you to matty harris for mastering it. you took this album to the next level. // thank you to every music, drama and dance teacher i’ve ever had. special shout-outs to marisa, libby, christina and mathilde for making my voice what it is today. another big thank you to carol for being the best violin teacher there is. thank you to david for making me fall in love with acting, inspiring me to pursue my dreams and being the reason why “finding hope” is even a thing. thank you to all my bfa profs so far (especially cathy, gayle, stephen, and stephen) for making me a better performer. // another thank you to every teacher i’ve ever had, especially my writing, language and history professors. so much of this album is inspired by what i learned from you. // thank you to the musicians who played on this album: carol, mario, cesar, thomas, tobias, ki-jung, and carson. you guys are the most talented people i know. // thank you to avery creed for being the most amazing artist and friend there is. she did all the hand-drawn artwork and font design for this album and my previous singles. she's an angel. // thank you to my best friend nicco graham for accompanying me on a million shopping trips and photoshoots to remind me to dress like myself, only a little bit better. // thank you to abby lee miller and everyone on "dance moms" for believing in my music. // thank you to karolina turek photography and artin photography for the beautiful photographs featured in this album. you guys made me look stunning. thank you to jag and mikaela for doing my makeup and hair. // thank you to every family member, friend, acquaintance, journalist, photographer and stranger who supported me, and listened to me on my way to this album. you are the reason why i am where i am today. // thank you to everyone who these songs are about. i miss you. // finally, the biggest thank you in the world to my fans. thanks for waiting. i hope this gives you light when you’re in the darkness. you are the reason why i do what i do. this one is for you. love you always.

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Ava Maria Safai Vancouver, British Columbia

i write music.

avamariasafai.com

@avamariasafai

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